YEAR Project

YEAR Project

15 hours ago

A pioneering study by Benet-Martinez and Waller (2002) into #verbal #abuse found that verbal insults can be organised into four domains, or four fundamental dimensions of negative evaluation:

🚫 Words conveying “worthlessness” – such as piddling, pointless or incapable – that signify that a person lacks all value or merit.

🚫 Words conveying “stupidity” – brainless, dumb or moronic – that communicate a lack of intellect.

🚫 Words conveying “depravity” – beastly, disgraceful or deplorable – that indicate immorality.

🚫 Words conveying “peculiarity” – odd, bizarre, warped – that signal violations of social convention.

These main themes of worthlessness, stupidity, depravity and peculiarity, tend to convey more about the person who uses the insult than the target of the verbal disparagement. In fact, the domain commonly selected indicates the speaker’s own deeply held values. The insults you have used in the past can actually provide an enlightening look into the style of your own mind that can be used to limit reoccurrences.

What do you value enough to make judgements on?

Can you see how these projections can potentially affect a child who internalises your own insecurity or area of focus? —This also includes children witnessing the use of insults between other family members.

None of us are perfect. And no parent speaks as their best version of themselves every moment of every day, when we’re tired... when we’re stressed... when we’re grieving... —but it is important to recognise how even seemingly light-hearted insults or negative words may be internalised by children. By indicating that you value power, intelligence, morality or normality, while meanwhile stating that a child has violated these values, the disapproval can have long term effects.

Name-calling, belittling, swearing, and insulting can also be part of verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is hard to define but it is more extreme than insulting your partner once-off in front of your child. It is generally communication that is characterised by underlying anger and hostility that is intended to harm the self-concept. Other types of verbal abuse include threatening with abandonment, threatening bodily harm, scapegoating or blaming, or mocking or using sarcasm. Such emotional abuse can undermine a child's self-esteem, damage their ability to trust and form relationships, reduce academic and social skills, and increase risk of depression and anxiety. Verbal abuse of children has been shown to be just as destructive emotionally as physical and sexual abuse. If you are not sure if your child is exposed to verbal abuse in your home, you should immediately engage a professional helper such as a family counsellor to share your concerns with.

A method that helps adults become more effective at managing their anger is what the American Academy of Pediatrics calls the RETHINK method. RETHINK stands for:

🛶 Recognise your feelings
🛶 Empathise with the child
🛶 Think of the situation differently (i.e. try using humour)
🛶 Hear what the child is saying
🛶 Integrate your love with your angry thoughts
🛶 Notice your body's reactions to feeling anger and to calming down
🛶 Keep your attention on the present problem.

Such methods can be useful to bring about a sense of calm and get one’s feelings under control, and can be a useful internal tool for any parent or educator in trying times, no matter how much you do or don’t verbalise your anger.

So take care of yourself and take care of the young ones in your charge. Your words have power. Use them wisely.

#neurochild #selfdevelopment #familygoals ...

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